VIC DANA sezona 2011

[01xxx01]

pobjednice takmicenja za miss facebook-a!  

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[Ⱨᕕ尺ɨ丂۝₦(° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

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[DarkoN]

Otisla djevojka kod Popa na selo da se ispovjedi... Pop je pita sta je sgrijesila i ona rece:
- "Spavala sam sa muskarcem."
Pop rece pa to je veliki grijeh...
- "Drzala sam ga u ruci..."
Pop rece pa toje jos veci grijeh...
- "Stavljala sam ga u usta..."
Pop poce da vice i istera je van.. Nakon par dana ode djevojka u grad da tamo proba da se ispovjedi... Udje kod popa i on je pita isto... Ona rece da je spavala sa djeckom, pop rece:
- "Nije to nista..."
Djevojka rece da je drzala ga u ruci, pop rece:
- "Nije to nista..."
Djevojka rece da je stavljala ga u usta, pop rece:
- "Nije to nista..."
Djevojka zacudeno upta:
- "Pa zasto me onaj na selu istero zbog toga?"
A pop odgovori:
- "Ma pusti njega, ne zna seljacina sta je moderna jebacina!"

[DarkoN]

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[01xxx01]

Different Dates

WHITE WOMEN:

First date:
You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date:
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date:
You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:

First Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:

First Date:
You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date:
You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date:
You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary:
You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary:
You find yourself a Mistress.

CHINESE WOMEN:

First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date:
You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN:

First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding.
Third date:
Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN:

First Date:
You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date:
You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date:
You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date:
She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN:

First Date:
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date:
She's pregnant.
Third Date:
She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest
of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.

JEWISH WOMEN:

First Date:
You will have to spend all your money to impress
Second Date:
You will take a loan to keep the image
Third Date :
Your are broke, she finds someone wealthier

ARAB WOMEN:

First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date:
Guy is shot dead.
No third date!!


The POINT?


DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?

[01xxx01]

- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

- Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

[01xxx01]

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[DarkoN]

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[DarkoN]

Sjede Dalaj Lama i Bosanac na rijeci i pecaju… Æute, mudruju i tek æe ti Dalaj Lama svoju èuvenu misao: ®ivot je rijeka!… Æute dalje i pecaju, kroz dva sata mudrovanja oglasi se i Bosanac:
- Ma kakav, ¾ivot rijeka, ¾ivot su ¾enske, æevapi, hladna piva, rakija!… Mudruju oni tako i dalje i kroz dva sata primijeti Dalaj Lama …
- Pih, a ja cio ¾ivot mislio da je ¾ivot rijeka.

[01xxx01]

Kako se zove ciganin koji dolazi odnekud?
From.

Kako se zove ciganin bilder?
Gromada.

Kako se zove ciganin koji prodaje CD-ove?
CD-ROM.

Kako se zove ciganin koji radi u elektrani?
Grom.

Kako se zove ciganin koji radi kao cuvar u elektrani?
Gromobran.

Kako se zove ciganin koji predaje hemiju?
Brom.

Kako se zove ciganin koji predaje matematiku?
Romboid.

Kako se zove glavni ciganin?
Alfa Romeo.

Kako se zove ciganka krojacica?
Romi Snajder.

Kako se kaze kada cigani masovno iskacu iz aviona?
Rominjanje.

Kako se zove ciganin u odelu?
Elegancija.

Kako se zove ciganin u kvalitetnijem odelu?
Ekstravagancija.

Kako se zove ciganin u "Versace" odelu?
Ljuba Alicic.