VIC DANA

[DarkoN]

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait:
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[DarkoN]

- Prodajem jeftina kola, dok se Jefta nevrati.

[DarkoN]

ovaj vic mi je poslala Sanja, a ja ga samo objavljujem.

Why Never to ask Favors from Designers

Story goes:

Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence…
Read from top to bottom….

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

From:David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news.
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

[01xxx01]

pa zar ti se ne svidja?!?!? ja se smijala citav dan, bas sam kontala da ce biti smijesno nekom "iz struke"?!?!  :'(

[01xxx01]

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand boxx."

The teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie.

The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand boxx."

The teacher says, "Good. If you write 'boxx' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." Morris does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

The teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."

[DarkoN]

pa zar ti se ne svidja?!?!? ja se smijala citav dan, bas sam kontala da ce biti smijesno nekom "iz struke"?!?!  :'(

ma kako mi se ne svidja, samo sam napisao da si mi ti poslala vic da ljudi znaju. nije lijepo da se kitim tudjim perijem. vjeruj da je komunikacija sa njima priblizno ovakva.

[01xxx01]

ma kako mi se ne svidja, samo sam napisao da si mi ti poslala vic da ljudi znaju. nije lijepo da se kitim tudjim perijem. vjeruj da je komunikacija sa njima priblizno ovakva.

e tako reci, prepadoh se da mi je los fazon  hug:(

[DarkoN]

ma kako mi se ne svidja, samo sam napisao da si mi ti poslala vic da ljudi znaju. nije lijepo da se kitim tudjim perijem. vjeruj da je komunikacija sa njima priblizno ovakva.

e tako reci, prepadoh se da mi je los fazon  hug:(

pa zar mislis da bih ubacivao ovo ovde da je los fazon.  najjaci mi je onj dio sa nagradom.

[DarkoN]

body

[DarkoN]

Ozenio se princ prelepom princezom ali princeza nece sex, te on odluci da ode kod dvorske vestice da mu spravi kakav ljubavni napitak. Kaze vestica:
- "Da bih napravila ljubavni napitak potreban mi je jedan sastojak koji moras ti licno da mi doneses. Preko sedam mora i sedam gora ima jedna pecina u kojoj zivi jedan strasni zmaj.Moras da ga ubijes i kada ga rasporis iz njega ce izaci medved.Kad rasporis medveda iz njega ce izaci vuk, iz vuka licica, iz lisice zec, iz zeca golub iz goluba vrabac. E kad rasporis vrapca u njemu ces pronaci jedno malo jaje. To mi je jaje neophodno za pripremu ljubavnog napitka!"
Posto je princ zestoko resio da "zvekne" princezu opremi on ekipu te krenu na put. Posle 4-5 godina putovanja preko sedam mora i sedam gora stigne ti on, napokon do pecine gde zivese onaj zmaj i onako popizdjen od puta i apstinencije krene da pravi masakr. Raspori on zmaja,medveda, vuka... i sve ostale zivotinje i kada dodje do vrapca iz njega ispade ono jaje. On ga sav sretan uze i brze bolje krene nazad. Vratio se on posle 2-3 godine u dvorac, preda vestici ono jaje ali avaj, napitak mora da odlezi bar godinu dana dok ne sazri.
- "Pa kad sam mogao da izdrzim 7-8 godina, izdrzacu jos i ovu jednu", pomisli princ i ode da se odmori i pripremi za dugo iscekivani trenutak sexa sa princezom.
Kada je prosla godina ode on kod vestice i ona mu dade bocicu sa ljubavnim napitkom i rece:
- "Da bi napitak imao sto bolji efekat moras da sve ucinis kako ti kazem. Pripremi jednu gala veceru na kojoj ce te biti samo princeza i ti. Kuvarima naredi da sva slana jela malo vise zasole, a slatka vise zaslade. Ispred princeze stavi bokal vode ili vina, a malo dalje iza bokala, da se ne vidi, postavi ovu bocicu sa ljubavnim napitkom. Kada se princeza bude najela, silno ce ozedneti te kada se masi za bokal ugledace bocicu sa ljubavnim napitkom i pozelece da vidi sta je to. Ti budi u pripravnosti, pa kada se ona nagne preko stola da dohvati bocicu sa ljubavnim napitkom, ti joj prifuraj zguza te je dobro kresni!"

[DarkoN]

body

[01xxx01]

pa zar mislis da bih ubacivao ovo ovde da je los fazon.  najjaci mi je onj dio sa nagradom.

i meni je taj odlican! a bogami i ovaj zadnji - toliko je iznervirao da osta ona kapica, he he he he he he he he 

[01xxx01]

©to za Crnogorca znaèi poslovica: "Nikad nije kasno"?

Uvijek je rano, jado, uvijek!

[01xxx01]

U 7 razredu, nastavnica zada klincima da pisu pismeni rad na temu Slavne zene.
Nakon sto je pregledala zadatke, kaze im: ne mogu da vjerujem, od svih slavnih zena, svi ste pisali o Seki Aleksic, Ceci..... Kako nikom nije palo na pamet da pise o nekoj drugoj zeni. Recimo, kako niko nije pisao o Mariji Kiri?"
Djeca pocnu da se valjaju od smijeha. "
Sta je smijesno?" pita nastavnica

Djeca: Pa ne kaze se Marija Kiri, vec Maraja Keri! "

[DarkoN]

U 7 razredu, nastavnica zada klincima da pisu pismeni rad na temu Slavne zene.
Nakon sto je pregledala zadatke, kaze im: ne mogu da vjerujem, od svih slavnih zena, svi ste pisali o Seki Aleksic, Ceci�.. Kako nikom nije palo na pamet da pise o nekoj drugoj zeni. Recimo, kako niko nije pisao o Mariji Kiri?�
Djeca pocnu da se valjaju od smijeha. �
Sta je smijesno?� pita nastavnica

Djeca: Pa ne kaze se Marija Kiri, vec Maraja Keri! �