VIC DANA

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Pitali Bosanca koja je tipicna bosanska uzrecica a on kaze:
"Jebi ga, ne znam."

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buduci vrhunski fudbaler 

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ulicna anketa u romskom naselju:

Q: Zasto zirafa ima dugacak vrat?
A: Pa mora, sirota, zivi u planinu i to...

Q: Sta je za vas ljubav?
A: Kada vacaram devojku za guzu preko farmerki.

Q: Da li ce da dodju vanzemaljci?
A: Vanzemljaci? Ako hoce da dodje nek dodje ako nece ne moraju.

Q: Sta radis kad nista ne radis?
A: Citam stripovi, gledam pornici i zivim za fajt.

Q: Zasto se muskarci ne sminkaju?
A: Zato sto se znoje pa da im ti otrovi ne bi dosli u usta.

Q: Koja zivotinja bi hteli da budete?
A: Pcela.
Q: A zasto pcela ?
A: Pa pcela je marljiva, vredna... Pravi dzem...

Q: Ko je vas idol?
A: Majkl Dzekson.
Q: A zasto?
A: Pa decko se lepo oblaci, ima fine bele carape, puno dobrih riba, i vidi se da zivi za fajt.

Q: Sta vam je cilj u zivotu?
A: Da jedem sendvici na sprat.

Q: Sta je to dobra riba ?
A: Pa ono, da bude dobro gradjena, da se tusira svaka tri cetiri dana...

Q: Da li se brze trci u braon ili u crnim cipelama?
A: U braon, bolje prijanjaju uz zemlju.

Q: Kako se vi udvarate devojci?
A: Ja se predstavim da sam iz Nemacku!

Q: Sta biste rekli da vas zena vara?
A: (stoji pokraj zene): Ko bre da me vara? Ona? Pa vidis kaka je shugava.

Q: Sta biste porucili vanzemaljcima?
A: Zemljacima?
Q: Ma ne, vanzemaljci su oni koji ne zive na nasoj planeti.
A: Aa, pa ako nece da zivi ne mora, gde mu bolje siroko mu polje.

Q : Koja vam je omiljena zivotinja?
A: Lav.
Q: Zasto lav?
A: Pa car je na sve zivotinje, ima grivu, a i smeker je ovako...

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British Hospitals - True Stories .........

1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'. I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I
noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St.. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'.  I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient..
Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath

3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.
'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I m running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying a
new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . ...' So how was your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.

7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation..
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
that read . .'Keep off the grass' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London
Dr. wouldn't submit his name